


Save a wretch like me

by sadmarchhare



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Self Confidence Issues, Written in 2 Hours, beta read by my gf <33, title from a autoheart song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmarchhare/pseuds/sadmarchhare
Summary: Ace Rimmer is staying and all he does is remind Rimmer of how much of a failure he is.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Kudos: 25





	Save a wretch like me

**Author's Note:**

> the ending is garbage i just wanted them together but idk how to write anything remotely happy so thats how its staying for now
> 
> also jo if u read this i promise i can do better

Who knew a simple choice could change so much? Honestly who even knew Rimmer could be that successful in any dimension! He could be his life on how in every dimension he was still as much of a failure of a man he was now except maybe in different scenarios except being dead in the Red Dwarf, completely lost in space. But apparently, he could have chosen to be better, or he could have made a better decision that wouldn’t have at least killed him. But alas here he was, looking at Lister happily talking with him! Never in a million years he could have gotten Lister’s or any of the crews' attention like that. 

Ace Rimmer truly was amazing he couldn’t deny that, god what decision did he make that Rimmer didn’t! The fact that the way he was, was wholly his fault was... was such a miserable thought yet it dawned on him and he was powerless to really ignore it. His failures were staring him right in the face and talking to his crew! 

“Ah Rimmer c’mon! Don’t just stand there! Talk to the version of yourself that isn’t a complete smeghead!” Said Lister with his usual teasing tone turning to Ace Rimmer and saying something that this time he actually heard. “The Rimmer in this dimension is the complete opposite of ya! You’re way more entertainin’ I can actually stand talking to you for more than a minute.” “Thank you Skipper, truly you are really amazing yourself thank you for the help outside.” Rimmer tched and went to the front of the ship. 

He wasn’t just going to stand there and listen them compliment each other as if Lister had anything that should be complimented and as if Ace needed any more compliments. Why don’t they marry each other already, Rimmer rolled his eyes. Is this really all it took to impress Lister? He could do cool stuff too! But why was he bothering with impressing Lister? Stupid thought. He quickly discared it and sat down on the co-pilot chair. 

And before he had a chance to be bored his brain flooded. And if his eyes started to fill with water too that was no one’s business. Stupid Ace he had opportunities Rimmer didn’t! He was probably born in a family that loved him and encouraged him to follow his dreams and... and that wasn’t true. He knew that wasn’t true. But before he could think of anything else Cat entered. 

“Hey did you see my straightener? I don’t want Ace to think I lack style!” Without turning around but bothering to clean anything that could give the fact that some tears had fallen away he said, “I have no idea. Why are you asking me that you idiot.” “Because I thought I left it here and you could have seen it!” Rimmer sighed and turned around, annoyance clear in his face, “well I didn’t!” Cat only looked at him to say “okay I got it take a rest man. I’m going to go look for it,” then left. 

When he left Rimmer could feel his eyes starting to unfocus and his eyes started getting watery again. Ah! Not only was he a hopeless failure he was also a crybaby! He was sad everyday what was so different about today. Shaking his head, he got up and went to where he last saw Lister. And there he was sat down next to Ace still talking to him about whatever feats Ace had accomplished. Ridiculous did he not have any other things to talk about? At least he had hobbies and things he liked. 

But something about this scene bothered him more than just thinking about Ace. Was it Lister? Was it the fact that Lister was actually getting along with a version of him that wasn’t himself? That thought made him feel a sudden pang in his chest. Lister getting along with... him? But that wasn't really him. 

That guy was everything Rimmer was not that guy didn’t have an H on his forehead that besides hologram meant half-wit, hopeless, just utterly hopeless. Stupid. The thought of him wanting to actually get along with Lister was stupid. They didn’t even like each other in the most basic level! But once again, that wasn’t true. Lister might not like Rimmer but Rimmer liked Lister. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Lister was the only person who besides constantly calling him a smeghead and making fun of his interests actually listened and talked to him. At some point Lister stopped being the only company on the ship and turned into, a crush maybe? Point is Rimmer liked him and it sucked that all the time they spent together wasn’t half as good as whatever Ace could give him. 

“Hey Rimmer did you know that the alternate universe me is an engineer? How amazing is that!” Rimmer glared at Ace and responded to Lister with “Yeah very cool. When is he leaving?” Lister gave a laugh and before he said anything Ace Rimmer answered, “actually I think I might be staying.” Something turned in his stomach. Staying? He felt like puking, he started sweating, he could feel his breathing starting to get faster, “Oh isn’t that wonderful. I’m going to tell Kryten and Cat the wonderful news,” and before he started showing how bad he felt he quickly went to another space. 

He was staying? He was staying! The wonderful, amazing, great guy Ace Rimmer was fucking staying! Rimmer fell on his knees with his head on his hands, tears running through his face yet he laughed. Great, he thought, just fan-smegging-tastic. This is exactly what he wanted! Finally, they had no reason to keep Rimmer I mean why would they wat his failed annoying ass when they could just turn him off, he was a hologram after all. He could feel his ragged breath warming his face as he cried. He was the dumb one, the real fucking dumb one because he could have the life the other Rimmer had. And complete that with Lister’s affections of any kind he’d settle for Lister thinking of him as a friend at least, so he wouldn’t turn his back on him for a cooler him or whatever Ace was. 

Rimmer got up his knees shaking. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. This would only further proof how much of a loser he is. He did some breathing exercises to calm him down. He knew he would probably cry again today as much as he didn’t want to. Ace probably never had a panic attack in his life, fucking idiot. 

Before moving he thought if he should tell Lister anything. Say that he likes him, be rejected and then go back to being dead since he had Ace Rimmer now and all. He made his mind. He wasn’t going to say anything and he turned around, but then; 

“Rimmer?” Lister. That voice made his heart jump to his hands. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed hi cleaning his tears with his sleeve. Second time he did this today. Splendid. “Yes Lister?” He finally turned around, with his hand on his back and a faux confident expression. “Did you happen to see Cat? Ace wants to talk to him.” “No, I di-” “You smeghead were you cryin’?” Rimmer frowned, “no. Why would I be! I was just walking around thinking what am I going to make Ace do so he can make himself useful in this ship. Since he’s staying, of course. 

Lister didn’t look convinced, he looked at Rimmer the way parents look a child who they know isn’t feeling well. “I know you were cryin’ we’ve been mates for years. Your face is still a little red and I saw ya cleanin’ ya tears.” Rimmer let out an exasperated sigh, another thing for Lister to call him a half-wit over, great. “Okay I was. But it really is none of your business is it?” Once again Lister had that look on his face before going up to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “What’s up mate? Don’t think just because you’re a total git I don’t care about you.” 

And that would be the second time he felt a pang on his chest today, and before he knew it he was speaking. “If Ace stays I won’t.” “Why?” Rimmer let out a loud laugh he was sure everyone in the ship heard, “Lister tell me one thing, do you seriously from the bottom of your stupid heart think I want to stay for how many years he wants to stay here with someone that’s everything I wanted to be but couldn’t? I’m already confronted by my failures enough times. If he stays, I’ll have to look them in the eye every minute of my already miserable existence.” 

“Rimmer I-” “I’ll have to put up with you, Cat and Kryten talking to him like he’s just the best thing in your lifes. And I'll go back to live in the background only looked at when it’s to receive an insult. Honestly this time around if he stays and I get stuck in a planet for one reason or another you guys will just leave me there! Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you, I'm a nuisance in your lives, I'm only here for background noise so this ship feels a little more alive because I get it everything, I say is stupid, delusional and I'm a smegging git. And you will probably start dating Ace and be very happy because I get it, I'm a gimp but he’s amazing and you’d never look at me that way-” 

“RIMMR HEY!” Lister almost screamed and held Rimmer’s wrists. “Stop. Jesus Christ man. Will you let me speak?” Rimmer swallowed his tears threatening to spill out now that he stopped his vent. “No one’s gonna take your place man. You might be a smegginghead but you’re my smegginghead. And if he bothers ya so much we’ll make him go.” Rimmer looked at Lister’s eyes for a second, had he always been this reasonable? Had he always held Rimmer so close to his heart? He couldn’t say anything so he let his head down. 

“Make him go away. Please.” He felt like a weak child saying this. It was embarrassing letting Lister see this side of him, but what could he do? “Hey, I will.” Lister let go of Rimmer’s wrists in favor of putting both hands on the side of his face and kissing him. Too stunned to kiss back Rimmer did nothing until Lister stopped and he said “Lister, what, what was that for?” Lister laughed. “We’ve been mates for years if I couldn’t notice the way you meant ‘and you’d never look at me that way’ was romantic then who would I be?” Rimmer blushed to his ears, “Well I like you.” “I know gimpboy. I like ya too.” This time around he kissed Lister back and his heart filled with a little bit of hope. 

“We’ll get this sorted out.” “Thank you Lister.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos bc i need validation online and hmu on twt @wlwtrekkie to talk abt red dwarf <3


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